Is it just me?
When I know there is bad news a-coming I tuck, roll, dive, slither like Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment… anything other than have the inevitable contact with the source of what I suspect to be unpleasant.
Of course such action (and I convience myself this is not inaction… I do not remind us of Ms Zeta Jones lightly, for this traight of mine takes a mind boggling amount of effort), such action is ultimately doomed as the rule of the universe seems to be face your fear or your fear will come and face you.
I have recently been reminded of this by two current situations.
Firstly my best friend whom I have known some thirty plus years has sent me an e-mail which has the words sad news in the title… I have an inkling of what this may be about and I know it is important to read it and get back to her… and yet I wish to prelong the moment where I don’t actually know for sure what the e-mail contains… so it sits unread whilst I write this blog. (Tuck, roll, dive slither). I associate the word sad with bereavement..as my longest standing relationship with a woman outside my nuclear family I suspect if she is bereaved then so am I, as our early lives were so intertwined that I love hers as if they were my own. But if the e-mail contains what I suspect, I will have to be there for her and I need a moment to prepare myself. But why am I stalling? – Its been more than a moment, the mail arrived yesterday… I know what I have to do.
Secondly as you all know I have been made redundant from my job, so never before has money been such an issue. I have a friend (and I use that word under advisement) who borrowed 1500 pounds from me back in the day. Having repeatly asked about it’s return for the past couple of years and recently begged her to return it given the dramatic change in my personal circumstances, I have to face facts that she has shafted me and has decided never return the funds. I have to now take serious action to get my money back. But again I ask – why I am I stalling? It is obviously the time to bring in the big guns… I know what I have to do.
The honest truth is these are two situations I find unpalatable. The first situation of course says more about my character than the friend in question… The second says volumes about the charecter of the person I thought was a friend than myself. But either way the person who is most accountable to me is me.. so what is with the stalling tactics?
We all know having watched an episode or two of Jeremy Kyle (who am I kidding… like about a zillion episodes of Jeremy Kyle, for what is more comforting than seeing the occupants of scottish sink estates and southern caravan parks scream and threaten each other on national telly) that leaving matters to fester is not the path to resolution. We must take action. Unopened letters cause debt, unreturned phonecalls cause rejection, unspoken issues cause suspision …untaken action causes nothing but problems.
Come into my hallway….
My letter rack contains what once were called brown envelopes (these days of course they are white, but sensibly have the logos of the senders on the outside so I know it’s you Thames Water, RBS, Southern Electric!)… beautifully filed in my IKEA rack…unopened as yet. My phone co-ordinates beautifully with the letter rack… but the red message light blinks beguilingly, as it has done since yesterday… I will listen to them, but not yet. My mobile lives in the bowels of my handbag… I am sure I will look at it during the course of the day. And I will… for you cannot avoid these thing forever, one must deal with the contact the outside world forces upon one.
And before you condemn me… look at YOUR e-mail inbox… up to date is it? Facebook friend requests.. answered … or ignored for now? Have you bought the present for that wedding yet? Is Aunty Bee’s Birthday card in the post now? What about that promotion at work you were gonna go for… is YOUR hat in the ring yet?
Thought so.
We like to think we are in control of our lives don’t we. We think that choosing NOT to act is a real choice. And yet we hear the distant echo of the mantra that silence (for that is what no action is) gives consent to the action of others. History is full of actions taken because it was believed the majority were silent because they had nothing to say. Non-action is the antipathy of control.
Or to put it more bluntly….it is clear that the discussion never had, the actions never taken, the assumptions arrived at with little substance lead only to a seat on Jeremy Kyle to the titilation of the nation! But tell me… why does it feel like you are taking action when you say to yourself "Actually … no!… not now…later".
So… I stall no longer. I will now go and open that Sad News e-mail… I can kid myself no longer that just because I haven’t looked, it didn’t happen. I will follow this with sending in the big guns to collect my 1500 pounds as I can kid myself no longer that she intends to return it.
But I ask again… why did it feel empowering to shift the moment when I had to deal with these issues to an unfixed point that just wasn’t right now?
Why of all deceptions does this one feel the most real?
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